Calling All Mothers, You are NOT a proper mother if…
- You Had a Caesarean.
- You Didn’t Breastfeed
- You didn’t Co-sleep
- You buy Shoes called Dolly Babes For Your Daughter
- You buy Boys tops that say Little Man Big Ideas or Girls tops that say Little Girl Big Smiles
- You don’t have a sleep routine by 6 weeks old
- You don’t do Baby Led Weaning
- You don’t have at least three after school activities planned for every child in the family
- You don’t use Organic Cotton clothing.
- You let your child have an occasional take-away.
Don’t hate me! I’m obviously not serious, but this is the actual load of shit (I know, must unlike me to swear!) I have seen appear on social media in the past few weeks and I am absolutely sick of it, so here are my answers to this complete and utter dribble.
-
You Had a Caesarean.
Caesareans are no indication of motherhood whatsoever, in fact I am pretty sure that many women do not actually WANT to have a major operation that will put them out of action for weeks, at the most emotional and happiest time of their lives, I have been lucky (yes I count myself lucky, although maybe my female anatomy would disagree) that I had my seven without the need for a caesarean, but for anyone that says it makes you less of a mother, kiss my arse!
2. You Didn’t Breastfeed
Breastfeeding is NOT the be all and end all of motherhood, despite many keyboard warriors telling you different, I have breastfed all seven of my children and I LOVED it! I am far too lazy to get up in the middle of the night and make a bottle, and I take my hat off to anyone that does, but newsflash, how we choose to feed our babies is no-one’s business but our own.
Having visited hundreds of women who are starting out on their breastfeeding journey, and many that decided it wasn’t for them, I can tell you it’s not a decision anyone takes lightly and its only made worse by unwanted opinions, so if anyone tells you your feeding method makes you less of a mother, kiss my arse!
3. You didn’t Co-sleep
Co-sleeping for breastfeeding mothers is inevitable, the hormone released whilst breastfeeding is one that you experience whilst in the heights of passion, so it’s no wonder we can’t stay awake!
So if you bottle feed, the chances are you may not co-sleep, and I would expect that your health visitor would also advise against it, but whether you choose to or not, guess what ? It’s nobody else’s business (except maybe your partner that may get kicked out of the marital bed to make way for a little person!) Less of a Mother ? Nope, don’t like it, then KMA!
4. You buy Shoes called Dolly Babes For Your Daughter
Dolly Babes for all those of you that are thinking its a porn mag are in fact a pair of Clarks Shoes, that have caused uproar because they are sexist!! Really ? My daughter has these exact shoes, not because she thought Dolly Babes was the ultimate playground street cred name, but because she LIKED them.
After an entire year of climbing trees, swinging on monkey bars, splashing in muddy puddles (sometimes mum forgets the wellies – probably another reason i’m not a proper mum!) they have lasted the entire year. In fact, they still look pretty good and have proved to me that they were up for the job, I, quite frankly don’t give a damn what they are called, so if its a problem, then KMA!
5. You buy Boys tops that say Little Man Big Ideas or Girls tops that say Little Girl Big Smiles
A few weeks back there was uproar (who knew such little things could cause such offence) because Morrisons produced a long sleeved top in Navy that says Little Boys Big Ideas, and they also produced a girls top that said Little Girl Big Smiles, with one tweeter commenting that Morrisons obviously don’t think much of girls! (If you read the article you will see that the girls top actually costs 50p more, so one could argue that they value the girls more!)
Yes it’s lovely that you want your children to grow up and be prime minister or to save the world, but I really think that by allowing them to wear these tops is not going to damage them beyond repair, maybe if some of the top earning women in the world had worn a top that encouraged them to smile more, things would be different! So, if you think I am sexist and living in the Victorian ages KMA!
6. You don’t have a sleep routine by 6 weeks old
I have seven children and have probably not had an entire nights sleep in 19 years, but so what! I may occasionally fall asleep next to whichever child I am ‘helping’ get to sleep, I have been known on several occasions to climb into cots/cot beds/bunk beds with a child, and most nights there has been at least one child in my bed during the night, FOREVER, but it doesn’t make me a shit mum.
Likewise if you have got your child into a sleep routine from a young age that you are happy with, then good luck to you, it makes neither of us a crap parent, it just means we are doing it differently, those who don’t like it KMA!
7. You don’t do Baby Led Weaning
Newsflash! Baby Led Weaning wasn’t a ‘thing’ when I had my first child, in fact, we were advised to start solids (well, mushed up banana or carrot) from 4 months old and cross your fingers and hope that they managed to get some in their mouths, there was no waiting until 6 months and there was no way a large piece of finger food was going anywhere near my baby, it was pureed to death and shovelled in.
Move forward nearly 20 years and its all completely different, (just like it was different 40 years ago when I was born and the mums were told to only feed a breastfed baby every 4 hours) so there you have it, the advice changes and there is no right or wrong way, and anyone who thinks different can KMA!
8. You don’t have at least three after school activities planned for every child in the family
Some children enjoy being at clubs and doing hobbies, some do not, that doesn’t mean that a mum whose child doesn’t partake in any after school activities is any less loved that one who has a schedule so full that they don’t have time to breathe, likewise the mum of a busy child also loves their child just as much, its all about the individual.
I have two of the seven (so far) that love doing every sports club available, whereas another prefers drama club, one did Brownies, another hated it, but it doesn’t make the parent’s choices any more or less important. And, again if you disagree KMA! (not that i’m bothered if you do, as we are all entitled to our own opinions!)
9. You don’t use Organic Cotton clothing.
I remember having a conversation about school uniform with a parent that only had one child and she looked aghast that my children had clothes from Primark or Peacocks, she looked at me like something on the bottom of her shoe because SHE only allowed her child to wear Organic Cotton!
Well that’s her choice and that’s great with just one child, but funny enough each of my children have different tastes and will choose to wear different things, one of the children has sensory issues, so clothing choice is a HUGE issue, and I will allow him to wear whatever brand or material he chooses (it’s either that or a naked child!) So it’s not so black and white, everybody and their circumstances is different, but neither way makes you less of a parent, so KMA!
10. You let your child have an occasional take-away.
An occasional take-away will NOT kill your child contrary to some social media posts I have read lately, a blogger had put a lovely instagram picture of their family at a popular family hang-out (pretty sure there were 2 golden arches) and the backlash that was spouted, was appalling, i’m not sure when every parent in the world suddenly got a conscience and started making a family meal out the biggest sin in the world, but seriously, it got ridiculous.
Well I admit, my children have all, at some time in their life had a take-away and they LOVED it! I’m not sure when it got so bad that a happy meal equated to committing a deadly sin, so letting your child have a non freshly prepared organic quiche once in a while isn’t the end of the world,m in fact, mine see it as a treat. and for the very last time if you do think it makes me a dreadful mother KMA!
We are all mothers and we are all doing the best we know how, sometimes we get it perfect, other days we just suck as parents, but that’s OK because sometimes our kids are amazing, other days their moods or outbursts suck too, so NOBODY is perfect, and anyone that tells you otherwise is LYING or seriously deranged. It appears I am not alone in my thinking, check out Organizing Chaos’s post on The Bad Parent: You Let Your Child Do What?
Celebrate Motherhood and all who are a part of it xxx
I bloody love this post!!! Virtual high five!! So much hate and skating going on between mothers! I just don’t get it. Surely if the child is happy and healthy then who gives a shit how it’s done?? Well said Mandi!!
Haha love this post! I’m not a mother but can imagine how hard it can be when you feel like you’re just getting hate and negativity x
Well said, I am always having conversations/heated aruments saying exactly the same. Being a good mother is your child being happy and healthy and loved, nothing more.
I really wish that people would get off their high horses. Motherhood for one is possibly the hardest job we will ever do, so why make it harder for others by judging them
yes to this post! I’m off to share this now because basically…everybody needs to read this! There is so much utter crap that exists out there….this is the perfect antidote!
The best thing to deal with tripe like this is to just ignore it and not rise to it. Everyone is different and on different paths. No one has the right to criticise others choices.
I’m so sick of seeing all the judgements and arguing going on all over social media. Let’s just get on with raising our kids. My little man has special needs so we get so many judgements from other parents, why is he in a buggy at his age, why doesn’t he eat properly, do this, don’t do that. It drives me mad
Totally! Our 6 year old has a pushchair for his safety and I have become quite thick skinned to the filthy looks! I think that’s why I wrote the post, people are getting so uptight about issues like shoes and tops, I just think there are so many bigger issues going on!!
Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Only 3 people who can criticise me as a mum and that’s my children. Be interesting to see what they say about me when they are adults lol. As long as they know I tried to do my best, even though sometimes I wasn’t always sure what that should be.
I really don’t understand why people feel the need to be so judgemental. Not every style of parenting works for each individual family. I’m a firm believer of doing what is best for each individual family.
I don’t like seeing all these nasty comments on social media either. It can really upset some parents and make them think if they are actually doing a good job parenting. Every parent is different and raise their children different ways. Some through choice and some not (breastfeeding and caesarians for example). People need to stop judging or at least keep their opinions to themselves if it’s just going to upset other people!
Great post, I hate it when we hear people talking about what makes a real mum. Every woman with a child is as much of a mum as another x
It is amazing the amount of rubbish that is being put out there by the media that you aren’t a proper mother unless, it’s absolutely bonkers!
I can’t believe how judgmental some people can be. At the end of the day parenting is hard work and parents look after their children in different ways. That does not make them bad parents and I am pleased that you highlighted this !
I actually almost got into an argument with a cashier at Walmart who told me that I need to make my child eat whatever I want them to eat. Both of my boys have different sensory issues but my youngest is a really picky eater. While I do work very hard to get him to try new foods (the other day I actually got him to try a turkey burger! OMG I was so stoked! That never happens!) I also don’t force my kids to eat what I know they don’t like or can’t eat. I couldn’t believe that a total stranger was actually giving me grief about my parenting choice. At the end of the day both of my children are happy and healthy. What does it matter what they eat? I also nursed my boys but only for a month or two and I got so much grief about that. Both were c-sections too. I will never understand the mom bashing!
I wish people would just keep their judgements to themselves, parenting is hard enough 🙁 Everyone does it differently it doesn’t mean it’s the wrong way x
I am not a parent yet but reading this has scared me ha! What a load of nonsense. I did see the shoe thing and thought it was crazy! I would of loved them when I was little!
i totally agree and i dont understand why people find it so interesting and needed to judge other parents as were all different , i don’t judge others but we’ve just been the other side of being judged when on holiday, we walked in to the family show bar on the first night of our holidays all excited , me my husband and our 8 kids. the day after the ladywho rented us the caravan informed us the local long term stayers at the site were inboxing and texting her regarding the amount of us worried that becasue we were a large family they feared for her caravan and what state we may leave it in , i was absolutely fuming at how we were once again been jusged on the sie of our family, none the less we carrie don ignored the chit chats behind our backs , smiled as they gave us the funny smirks or disgust and by the end of the week laughed at them all crawling to us complimenting and praising us on how well behaved our children were and how lovely we had been saying we ould be terribly missed on the site and wanting us back . it gave me a sense of relief to see that people were proven wrong x
I love the judgementals! We get it all the time, and i’m always so pleased when they have to rethink their opinions, just because you have a large family, doesn’t mean you are going to trash your accommodation!
People and their judgemental attitudes make me sick… I just don’t get why they can’t keep their idiocy to themselves…
Good read! Motherhood cannot be measured or catergorised by certain standards. It’s not if you breastfed or not- it is on how you raised your children to become the best they can be.
Hmmm I think ‘boys will be boys’ is an outdated idea that reinforces weird lad culture from a young age. I’m glad Morrison’s got rid of the tshirt to be honest. But that’s just me 🙂
Great to raise awareness. I have done some things on this list. My kids only have one after school activity and they put 100% into it.
I hate how people judge other Mums and say some of these things. It must be hard for them being so *perfect* 24/7 😉
I had a c section and it is so annoying when people say oh you didn’t give birth properly. There is no proper way is there? I honestly couldn’t care less how people feed their child, what they cloth them in as long as the child is fed, warm and loved who cares. Great post by the way hun xx
As a mum who has ended up with two emergency c-sections, I absolutely love this post. There is far too much judgement in this world.
I ADORE this post. Everything you said I was shouting yes too!!!! We all parent in different ways, but we all ‘parent’ and should be allowed to do it how we want and we shouldn’t judge others for what they do. As long as our children are loved and cared for, that’s all that matters. xx
I have smirked my way through your post, that is fab. I am guilty of many of these things, and worse. So hang me. I think the saying, “nothing as queer as folk” comes to mind. Maybe the one my husband says about opinions is more apt. Something to do with opinions and **** holes. I won’t type it, it would be rude!
I love your sarcastic take on the “proper mum” mentality
I love this post so much. We are not perfect and we should feel free to parent the way we want.
Welll said! We are all mothers just doing our best and should be supportive instead of tearing each other down.
Here here!!! I’m so sick of the constant debate tbh. Just live and let live!! X
Motherhood is not based on how you had your delivery or whether you breasted or not. It is on how you raise your children to be the best they can be.
Fabulous post! There is far too much ‘mum-shaming’ across social media, it seems everyone is an ‘expert’
We live our lives thinking too much about what others think. You are a mother if you have kids whether they are your own or you are looking after someone elses!!!
This is absolutely ridiculous, please point me in the direction to these barbaric people, so that I can lay into them!
I love how you’ve shut down each of those points. that list is idiotic
There seems to be so much judgement around mothers at the moment, I’m constantly seeing people criticising others on Facebook like this!
This post did make me chuckle! I’m not a mum yet but I can just imagine how the constant judgement can get to you! xx
Everyone has to just do what is best for their family. People are so quick to judge.